Intention

The moment one definitely commits oneself,

then providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one

that would never otherwise have occurred...

unforeseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance,

which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

”Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard.

Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh.

Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends.

Continue to learn. Do what you love.

Live as this is all there is.”

--Mary Ann Radmacher

In the eastern philosophical tradition, Buddhist Master Hsing Yun believed, "Intention is the core of all conscious life. It is our intentions that create karma, our intentions that help others, our intentions that lead us away from the delusions of individuality toward the immutable verities of enlightened awareness. Conscious intention colors and moves everything." Also speaking to the power of intention from the perspective of eastern philosophy, Sakyong Mipham shares how harnessing the power of intention influences his response to life. He relates in Ruling Your World: Ancient Strategies for Modern Life, “That power of intention helps me turn confusion on its ear and enjoy my life. When self-absorption arises, I use the precision of my morning meditation to turn the energy inside out. I find that the more I do this, the less worried I feel. Each day is an opportunity to sharpen and deepen the conclusions I've drawn in my morning practice (p.31).” Both Yun and Mipham’s statements offer powerful testimony to the importance of that which we refer to as “intention” can play in a person’s life.

"Inspiration is intention obeyed."

--Emily Carr

Interestingly, many of western philosophical orientation tend to pooh-pooh the importance that intention plays in effecting outcomes, and actually find comfort in euphemisms that support that line of thought. Most of us have heard some version of that which George Bernard Shaw states, "Hell is paved with good intentions, not with bad ones. All men mean well." Or of more recent vintage that which Lloyd Strom shares, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions corrupted by our fears." Whether, or not, you choose to support Shaw or Strom’s perspectives on intention is your decision. However, if you do choose to support the belief that intentions are more attune to landmines in the road of life, it may be worth reflecting for a moment whether the choice is made to justify a lack of commitment to some cause or purpose, or something you really believe. Talk show host Oprah Winfrey speaks to such decision-making, stating, "Before you agree to do anything that might add even the smallest amount of stress to your life, ask yourself: What is my truest intention? Give yourself time to let a yes resound within you. When it's right, I guarantee that your entire body will feel it.” Later on in that conversation, Oprah Winfrey shares in epilogue form, “What I know for sure is that your life is a multipart series of all your experiences- and each experience is created by your thoughts, intentions, and actions to teach you what you need to know. Your life is a journey of learning to love yourself first and then extending that love to others in every encounter.”

Those of us that continue on the journey of discovery and fulfillment will undoubtedly encounter obstacles and discouragement. Such annoyances are to be expected in anyone’s life journey, especially those who have a vision, and commit to its realization. Marlo Morgan, writing in her book, Mutant Message from Down Under, noted, “When you have a thought that is not in alignment with your highest vision change to a new thought! Then and there. When you say a thing that is out of alignment with your grandest idea, make a note not to say something like that again. When you do a thing that is misaligned with your best intention, decide to make that the last time. And make it right with whomever was involved if you can.” Thomas Troward was thinking along the same lines as Morgan when he wrote, "Our repeated failure to fully act as we would wish must not discourage us. It is the sincere intention that is the essential thing, and this will in time release us from the bondage of habits which at present seem almost insurmountable."

Author Aldous Huxley was keenly aware of the challenges that might come our way as we strive toward our vision and purpose, and shared the following advice: “When life appears to be working against you, when your luck is down, when the supposedly wrong people show up, or when you slip up and return to old, self-defeating habits, recognize the signs that you're out of harmony with intention.” Sharon Salzberg reminds us, “If we fall, we don't need self-recrimination or blame or anger - we need a reawakening of our intention and a willingness to recommit, to be whole-hearted once again.” Or, in the words of Confucius, "It doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you don't stop."

Huxley’s, along with the other’s, observation is believed an important segue into the next segment of our discussion of intention in that it addresses the concept of harmony. Perhaps some see intention as weakness resulting from failed efforts in the past. Although we will address the need for concurrent thought (intention) and action (effort), the question that seems prudent at this time might be, “Was the perceived failure the result of the individual, or group’s, intention being out of harmony with the universe?” Carlos Castaneda would contend, “There's no way to put a limit on what one may accomplish individually if the intent is an impeccable intent.” For some readers that statement will undoubtedly not resonate very well since it adds caveats to the formula; caveats of quality and merit. The rational mind will revolt and align with empirical thought that postulates nature does not add judgment to cause and effect phenomena. The writer, supporting the concept of free will, acknowledges the choice to accept, or not, is the reader’s. However, rejection without investigation and consideration is but an obstinate act and a feckless gesture that reaps little in the way of positive reward or outcome.

If we are to live meaningful lives we must work to connect with the forces at work around us. Although a sense of superiority at times seduces us to disconnect ourselves from the other elements that influence life on earth, and in the universe, a trifle of humility will provide a glimpse of unexplainable possibilities that exist, if we are willing to open our minds a bit. Doing so is believed important because it will greatly influence our intentions. In The Field: The Quest for the Secret Force of the Universe, Lynne McTaggart writes, “Our natural state of being is in relationship, a tango, a constant state of one influencing the other. Just as the subatomic particles that compose us cannot be separated from the space and particles surrounding them, so living beings cannot be isolated from each other... By the act of observation and intention, we have the ability to extend a kind of super-radiance to the world.” Sandy Forster would add to McTaggart’s suggestion, "When you set an intention, when you commit, the entire universe conspires to make it happen." Shakti Gawain holds a comparable view, noting, “Every moment of your life is infinitely creative and the Universe is endlessly bountiful. Just put forth a clear enough request and everything your heart desires must come to you.” In essence, we might have to decide to choose, or not, to do as Mike Fotheringham suggests, “Set your intention, and trust the universe to take care of the details.”

"In the universe there is an immeasurable,

indescribable force which shamans call intent,

and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos

is attached to intent by a connecting link."

-Carlos Castaneda

Centuries ago, Sir Francis Bacon understood that which McTaggart would later write about when he acknowledged, “For those who intend to discover and to understand, not to indulge in conjectures and soothsaying, and rather than contrive imitation and fabulous worlds plan to look deep into the nature of the real world and to dissect it -- for them everything must be sought in things themselves.” “Mr. Intention” himself, Wayne Dyer, echoes Bacon with much fewer words in his statement, "Our intention creates our reality." Dyer goes on to say, “The power of intention is the power to manifest, to create, to live a life of unlimited abundance, and to attract into your life the right people at the right moments….if you put your thoughts on what’s on its way, then you’ll start looking for every little clue, and every person walking into your life becomes someone who is a messenger or a deliverer of something that is going to help you deliver what you have an intention about.” Author Gary Zukav recognizes the catalyst properties of intention suggesting, "Every intention sets energy into motion whether you are conscious of it or not." Those of us who believe in the almost magical power of intention understand what Anthony Robbins is referring to when he states, “As soon as you truly commit to making something happen, the 'how' will reveal itself.”

Wayne Dyer recognizes for the potential power of intention to flow in our lives, the plumbing of our hearts and minds must be unclogged. Dyer notes, “By banishing doubt and trusting your intuitive feelings, you clear a space for the power of intention to flow through.” Dorothea Brande realizes that for intention to work its power, the forces addressed above cannot remain static, but must be put into motion. Brande suggests, "All that is necessary to break the spell of inertia and frustration is this: act as if it were impossible to fail. That is the talisman, the formula, the command of right-about-face that turns us from failure toward success.” As Charles Kettering advises, “Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail.”

“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal.

Live this day as if it were your last.

The past is over and gone.

The future is not guaranteed.”

-- Wayne Dyer

Not ready to buy-in to the above postulations just yet? That is quite okay. A reasonable dose of skepticism is seldom fatal. However, to avoid cerebral paralysis resulting from prolonged skepticism, how about at least considering what William Temple, Sr. suggests: “Good intentions are at least, the seed of good actions; and every one ought to sow them, and leave it to the soil and the seasons whether he, or any other, gathers fruit.” Lloyd Strom, also utilizing the “seed” metaphor, adds, "A good intention is like the seed of a tree whose fruit we do not know." As with anything else in our lives there are “conditions” attached to planting the seeds of intention, i.e. good intentions as the cobble stones along hell’s highway. Gremville Kleiser suggests, “Let your intentions be good - embodied in good thoughts, cheerful words, and unselfish deeds - and the world will be to you a bright and happy place in which to work and play and serve.” Peter Abelard, connecting intention with action, qualifies that union stating, "We call an intention good which is right in itself, but the action is good, not because it contains within it some good, but because it issues from a good intention."

”A good intention clothes itself with power.”

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lest we have a grievance filed that the writer is but a Pollyannaish pimp soliciting customers for a union without possibilities, we need to examine the relationship between intention and action a bit closer. Caroline Myss addresses the issue noting, “You cannot change anything in your life with intention alone, which can become a watered-down, occasional hope that you’ll get to tomorrow. Intention without action is useless.” Intention is often construed as being the same as a stated objective or goal. If looked upon as such, one can begin to understand the negative thinking surrounding the value of intentions. According to Denis Waitley, “The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.”

Frequently, the objective or goal is stated in the form of an affirmation – as if the goal or objective is already happening. T. Harv Eker believes this is where we might fool ourselves into grabbing onto the tar baby. Eker states, “An affirmation states that a goal is already happening. I’m not crazy about this because, often when we affirm something that is not yet real, the little voice in our head usually responds with “This isn’t true, this is BS…On the other hand, a declaration is not saying something is true, it’s saying we have an intention of doing or being something. This is a position the little voice can buy, because we’re not stating it’s true right now, but again, it’s an intention for us in the future.” But, recognizing that intention is guiding us into the future – a plan to follow – is not enough. We still must move, or put into action, that idea or intention we have formulated in our mind. As Walt Kelly reminds us, “It is not good enough for things to be planned - they still have to be done; for the intention to become a reality, energy has to be launched into operation.”

"Thought is the sculptor who can create the person you want to be."

--Henry David Thoreau

While we can buy into what Kelly is suggesting, there is still much to be gained by stating our intentions in some formal statement, or goal. Because, as Sharon Salzberg was quoted in the January 2004 edition of O Magazine, “Each decision we make, each action we take, is born out of an intention.” Therefore, as John Rogers suggests, “Choose your intention carefully and then practice holding your consciousness to it, so it becomes the guiding light in your life." Then, to become more tangible, Deepak Chopra considers the translating of thought, or intention, into something more concrete, such as written statements, is vitally important. He notes, "Intentions compressed into words enfold magical power." It is also important that we understand as we enter the realm of manifesting intention, that there will likely be times when we want to turn back; to give up on achieving that which we know deep within us defines our purpose for being. Ralph Ellison wrote, “It takes a deep commitment to change and an even deeper commitment to grow." Most of us can say a big "Amen" to that statement.

"Speak from your heart and don't worry about how

it's going to be taken and ask with the intention of it

doing the highest good for everyone involved.

-–Dr. Gary Arthur

Like most other ventures in life, living with intention and being committed to our intention(s) does not always have to be a lonely journey. Certainly, one needs to be prudent in who they select to be fellow journeymen, but it is often worth the effort to seek those rare individuals who understand our need to become who we were meant to become; our purpose on this earth. As Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton warns, “It is difficult to say who do you the most harm: enemies with the worst intentions or friends with the best.” Similarly, Wayne Dyer advises that we, “Choose to be in close proximity to people who are empowering, who appeal to your sense of connection to intention, who see the greatness in you, who feel connected to God, who live a life that gives evidence that Spirit has found celebration through them.” Alone, or in the company of others, we must not allow our fears and doubts to dissuade us from transforming intention into form. As we have seen many times through our journey in this publication, we have two basic choices in life; to fulfill our destiny and our dreams, or to accept something less. We must believe in ourselves and we must believe that we are here on earth for a much greater reason than to simply put in our time, wither, and die! Charles Kettering reminds us, “High achievement always takes place in the framework of high expectation.”

Where are you standing in terms of responding to your intentions? Are your dreams fueled by intentions that are as wistful as a thermal breeze at sunset, or as solid as that which Blake speaks of below:

“Does a firm persuasion that a thing is so, make it so?

He replied, 'All poets believe that it does.'

And in ages of imagination, this firm persuasion removed mountains;

but many are not capable of a firm persuasion of anything.”

--William Blake

Actually, we could best sum up what we have been addressing in this chapter by considering the words of Rumi, "Let the beauty of what you love be what you do." Are you living a life of intention? Are your intentions in alignment with your personal life vision and mission? If not, why not? What is holding you back? What are you waiting for? What do you intend to do about it?

"Although actions may speak louder than words,

it is our intentions that reveal our soul."

--Hal Elrod

"I am not an island

I am not alone

I am my intentions

Trapped here in this flesh and bone."

--Melissa Etheridge

"TELL me not, in mournful numbers,

Life is but an empty dream ! —

For the soul is dead that slumbers,

And things are not what they seem.

Life is real ! Life is earnest!

And the grave is not its goal ;

Dust thou art, to dust returnest,

Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,

Is our destined end or way ;

But to act, that each to-morrow

Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,

And our hearts, though stout and brave,

Still, like muffled drums, are beating

Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,

In the bivouac of Life,

Be not like dumb, driven cattle !

Be a hero in the strife !

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant !

Let the dead Past bury its dead !

Act,— act in the living Present !

Heart within, and God o'erhead !

Lives of great men all remind us

We can make our lives sublime,

And, departing, leave behind us

Footprints on the sands of time ;

Footprints, that perhaps another,

Sailing o'er life's solemn main,

A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,

With a heart for any fate ;

Still achieving, still pursuing,

Learn to labor and to wait.

--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Core Value - Empathy

Empathy feels these thoughts; your hurt is in my heart,

your loss is in my prayers, your sorrow is in my soul,

and your tears are in my eyes.

--William Arthur Ward

"This is the most enormous extension of vision of which life is capable:

the projection of itself into other lives.

This is the lonely, magnificent power of humanity.

It is . . . the supreme epitome of the reaching out."

— Loren Eiseley, The Immense Journey: An Imaginative Naturalist

Explores the Mysteries of Man and Nature

Theologian and writer Henri J.M. Nouwen painted a marvelous word portrait of empathy in his book The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey when he wrote, "When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." Robert Louis Stevenson, many years earlier, knew about that which Nouwen would write about when he observed, “So long as we love we serve; So long as we are loved by others, I would almost say that we are indispensable; And no one is useless while they have a friend.” Even earlier, Sophocles tapped into this same vein of thought writing, “One who knows how to show and to accept kindness will be a friend better than any possession.”

“Love is that enviable state that knows no envy or vanity,
only empathy and a longing to be greater than oneself”
-- Anita Roddick

The above paragraph seems almost dripping wet with the milk of human kindness, the risking of becoming vulnerable in order to reach out with a comforting hand and heart to another, who in the moment is also vulnerable. If empathy – that ability to in the moment nearly become the other – is such a golden virtue and quality of human emotion and understanding, then why is it not more readily practiced among members of the human community? You may recall our earlier conversation regarding “friendship,” at least from the perspective of the writer? Sharing empathy with another requires of the giver to demonstrate many of the traits attributed to friendship, especially the aspect of having to not expect the other to respond in a like manner. Friendship of which he spoke is not to be likened to a shallow puddle, easily persuaded by wind and quickly dried up by even a passive sun. Instead, the writer’s conception of friendship resembles the deep and often opaque pool, little disturbed by surface events, and always remaining a bit mysterious to all but the few who will explore its depths. Bertrand Russell knew of this type of friendship and understood how essential empathy and its related values were to the preservation of that relationship. Russell wrote, “Friendship is a living thing that lasts only as long as it is nourished with kindness, empathy and understanding.”

"The most valuable things in life are not measured in monetary terms.

The really important things are not houses and lands,

stocks and bonds, automobiles and real estate,

but friendships, trust, confidence, empathy,

mercy, love and faith.”

--Bertrand Russell

Pat Barker is probably getting very close to the mother lode of understanding the “why” of the question above when he suggests, "It's the hardest thing in the world to go on being aware of someone else's pain." Centuries ago, Euripides observed, "When a good man is hurt all who would be called good must suffer with him." Perhaps many of us experience so much pain in our own lives we are already too depleted emotionally to do much for the other person, even if motivated to do so? Tenzin Gyatso, The Fourteenth Dalai Lama, shared a Buddhist perspective on the topic, explaining, “From the moment of birth every human being wants happiness and wants to avoid suffering. In this we are all the same.” Edith Wharton, in the character of Lily, addresses human pain, and more importantly it’s longing for the empathetic, restorative, response of another, in The House of Mirth. Wharton wrote, "As the pain that can be told is but half a pain, so the pity that questions has little healing in its touch. What Lily craved was the darkness made by enfolding arms, the silence which is not solitude, but compassion holding its breath." How many of us at one time in our life or another, perhaps this very moment, can relate to Wharton’s Lily?

I think it's easy to mistake understanding for empathy—
we want empathy so badly. . . .
It's hard and ugly to know somebody can understand
you without even liking you.
--Thomas A. Harris

Too often we look around and see ourselves but one of many empty vessels, longing to be filled by the outpouring of others, only to find ourselves smack in the middle of a desert of human emotion and feeling. We find ourselves surrounded, by the type of individuals Sir Edmund Burke identified in the line, “There are some men formed with feelings so blunt that they can hardly be said to be awake during the whole course of their lives.” Even more unnerving is the possibility that Burke may in fact be speaking of us, as well as to us. Andre Gide provides an appropriate follow-up question to Burke’s comment noting, “"Are you then unable to recognize unless it has the same sound as yours?" Perhaps we ourselves are too blunt emotionally to pick up on the pain and needs of others. For endless reasons untold, many of us are unable, or unwilling, to extend ourselves toward another. Sue Miller, I believe, identifies one of the obstacles to our expressing empathy in her book While I Was Gone, writing, "I felt the kind of desperation, I think, that cancels the possibility of empathy...that makes you unkind." Or, another, as Antoine de Saint-Exupéry penned in The Little Prince, "I did not know how to reach him, how to catch up with him... The land of tears is so mysterious."

Recently, President Barack Obama stated, “We live in a culture that discourages empathy. A culture that too often tells us our principle goal in life is to be rich, thin, young, famous, safe, and entertained.” President Obama’s comment may be right on-target as an observational response, but it doesn’t really tell us a great deal about the “why.” If we examine closely the reasons the President suggests displace empathy as goals for our lives, we detect that all are motivated by a fear of some description. Bertrand Russell gave what might have been a reasonable response to the President’s observation when he wrote, “Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation can be trusted to act humanely or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear.”

"Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion.
When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems
and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others,
our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery
of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our
capacityfor connection - or compassionate action."
— Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence:
The New Science of Human Relationships

For those of us who hold empathy to be a most strategic human value, the quest to understand why there tends to be a shortage of something which should flow like a fountain from every individual’s heart and soul is of significant importance. Perhaps it is because of the apparent complexity of the whole empathy paradigm. Gloria Steinem once commented, “Empathy is the most radical of human emotions.” As Colin Gorman sees it, “Empathy is not a substitute for introspection. Stepping into someone else's shoes because yours don't fit means you still get to walk in ill-fitting shoes, you just don't get to own them.” Gorman’s comment may seem a little too “down-home” to be applied to Steinem’s suggestion, but, if you stop and think about it for a few moments, how radical it is to walk in someone else’s ill-fitting shoes, and then not even ending up owning them. We are not talking about quid pro quo here. We are talking about sacrifice, and that brings us back home to ourselves in a hurry.

In rationalizing the situation, the tendency is to meander back in the direction of putting the scales to our own pain and discomfort, and determine that instead of giving, we should be receiving. This is not an uncommon decision, but for some of us it becomes a dilemma if we allow ourselves to look beyond our own horizons. As James Baldwin writes, "You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive." As a bit of an interlude, we believe it worthwhile to add another thought or two to that of Baldwin’s regarding the value of literature and other media sources in helping us to build perspective about the suffering of others and the need for us to take the risk to reach out to them. John Connolly wrote in The Book of Lost Things, "I think the act of reading imbues the reader with a sensitivity toward the outside world that people who don't read can sometimes lack. I know it seems like a contradiction in terms; after all reading is such a solitary, internalizing act that it appears to represent a disengagement from day-to-day life. But reading, and particularly the reading of fiction, encourages us to view the world in new and challenging ways...It allows us to inhabit the consciousness of another which is a precursor to empathy, and empathy is, for me, one of the marks of a decent human being."

Frederick Buechner, writing in Whistling in the Dark: A Doubter's Dictionary, addresses this challenge of reaching out to others even when we ourselves sense such a need, noting, "If we are to love our neighbors, before doing anything else we must see our neighbors. With our imagination as well as our eyes, that is to say like artists, we must see not just their faces but the life behind and within their faces. Here it is love that is the frame we see them in." And, at this point, it would be wise to remember as Susan Kay suggests, "None of us can choose where we shall love..." You may be personally so blessed as to be the exception to Kay’s suggestion, but for most of us, Kay is probably hitting pretty close to home.

"Empathy is the love-fire of sweet remembrance
and shared understanding."
--John Eaton

Another possible response to the “why” question might be obstacles associated with the human intellect. According to the majority of scientists and psychologists, the human intellect, the power to think and reason, sets humans above the other animals on the planet. Whether you wish to agree with this line of thought is a personal choice. However, our intellect may in effect separate us from each other, as well as the other animals. Dean Koontz believes, “Some people think only intellect counts: knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize it. But the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion and empathy.” Our intellect, frequently combined with cultural biases, would also have one believe that showing the qualities of compassion are signs of weakness. Kahil Gibran refuted such thinking, suggesting the opposite to be true. He wrote, “Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.” Daniel Goldman, contemporary guru of emotional intelligence, adds to the conversation his observation, “If your emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.”

A fallout resulting from the human intellectual response to contemporary demands on society is the concept of efficiency. Ask an accountant about what is important to the wellbeing of her business and the answer will likely be “billable hours.” When time invested is not paying the return expected then dissonance enters and true reasoning exits the scenario. This is not to say there is not a case for efficiency of our efforts, but as Stephen Covey recognizes, “Empathy takes time, and efficiency is for things, not people.” In a product-oriented world, Bonnie Jean Wasmund reminds us, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” To that train of thought, Scott Adams adds, “Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” The renowned theologian, and one-time Chaplin to the United States Congress, Peter Marshall would add to the mix the belief, “Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned.” But, with these thoughts comes a caveat. Patricia Sun reminds us, “The discoveries of how we can grow and the insights we need to have really come from the inside out. To have genuine empathy, not as a make-nice tool but as an understanding, is essential to the next step.”

CNN reporter Anderson Cooper believes, “Anyone who has experienced a certain amount of loss in their life has empathy for those who have experienced loss.” Cooper may, or may not, be accurate in his assessment that observed, or personal loss, engenders empathy in oneself. However, what about those who do not have those experiences? The question arises, “Is empathy an innate human attribute or one that is learned? Jacqui Rivait leans toward the latter, stating, “I don't believe that children are born with empathy. It is something they learn by seeing it modeled by others.” The ancient Greek poet and philosopher, Homer, also believe empathy to be a learned response, writing, "Yet, taught by time, my heart has learned to glow for other's good, and melt at other's woe." Actress Meryl Streep considers empathy a gift, “The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy.”

"Sometimes I am asked by kids why

I condemn marijuana when I haven't tried it.

The greatest obstetricians in the world have never been pregnant."

--Art Linkletter

However one attains the ability to show empathy toward another, it is important that we assist children, and adults, in putting empathy into action. But, in helping the child to learn about empathy, we ourselves must be able to demonstrate the same toward the child. Alice Miller spoke to this notion stating, “Learning is a result of listening, which in turn leads to even better listening and attentiveness to the other person. In other words, to learn from the child, we must have empathy, and empathy grows as we learn.” Although we will save the topic of learning for another time, it does seem appropriate to remind ourselves that learning, true learning, does not travel down a one-way street! We must be able to engage fully in the process of learning with the child, otherwise we are more likely talking about indoctrination rather than learning. Kathrine Ellison believes that this learning begins very early in our adult-child relationship, noting, “Empathy frequently informs our earliest days with our infants as we try to figure out what they need, how to comfort and satisfy them.”

“We empathize-it's our chief way of learning.”
--John Gardner

Lydia Millet, in Oh Pure and Radiant Heart, believes instilling empathy in the developing child goes beyond conventional thought as it pertains to learning. Millet writes, "It is not learning we need at all. Individuals need learning but the culture needs something else, the pulse of light on the sea, the warm urge of huddling together to keep out the cold. We need empathy, we need the eyes that still can weep." Climbing the same ladder of social evolution, Betty Levin shares in the chapter “Polar Bears and Lemmings” in Origins of Story, "Children who find a single important life in the ordinary, unimportant, and unheroic are less likely to succumb to the human fallacy of us versus them." Yes, empathy requires of us humans a major social evolution, perhaps even a peaceful revolution, if we are to fulfill the wish of Anita Roddick: “I hope to leave my children a sense of empathy and pity and a will to right social wrongs.”

Actress Susan Sarandon believes, “When you start to develop your powers of empathy and imagination, the whole world opens up to you.” What Susan doesn’t explain in that statement is the complexity of developing the empathy she speaks about. Remember the earlier question as to why something such as empathy that seems so essential to human existence is not in greater abundance? We must work on ourselves before we work on others. In terms of empathy, one human addiction that must be overcome is our quickness to judge and punish. As Daniel Defoe wrote, “I hear much of peoples' calling out to punish the guilty, but very few are concerned to clear the innocent.” In addition, we must peel away the layers of callous that shield us from the concerns of our fellow human beings. As Salma Hayek observed, “Not to him who is offensive to us are we most unfair, but to him who doth not concern us at all.”

“Human altruism is thought to be based, in part, on empathy.

To be empathetic, you need to understand the thoughts

and desires of others.”

--Joan Silk

Even closer to home, we must overcome aggressive, destructive, behaviors and replace them with those that heal and build. Of this Dan Fallon states, “You don't have to accept the invitation to get angry. Instead, practice forgiveness, empathy and encouragement.” Add to this success formula the art of listening to the other person. As Stephen R. Covey points out: “When you listen with empathy to another person, you give that person psychological air.” This not-so-simple act of human respect helps to validate the other person and ensures success of both parties. Nearly a century ago, Henry Ford knew this to be true when he expressed, ”If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get to the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own.”

“Mourn not the dead that in the cool earth lie,

but rather mourn the apathetic, throng the coward

and the meek who see the world's great anguish

and its wrong, and dare not speak.”

--Ralph Chaplin

"Humani nihil a se alineum putat."

(He deems nothing human alien to him.)

— Terrence De Quincey

Core Value - Passion

“Chase down your passion like it's the last bus of the night.”

--Terri Guillemets

"When natural inclination develops into a passionate desire,

one advances towards his goal in seven-league boots."

-- Nikola Tesla

“If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived?

Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it

become you and you will find great things happen FOR you,

TO you and BECAUSE of you.”

-- T. Alan Armstrong 

William Hazlitt would have us believe, “A strong passion for any object will ensure success, for the desire of the end will point out the means.” How would you respond to Mr. Hazlitt? How does the concept of passion fit into your paradigm of success? There are those that would discourage us from making passion anything more than unbridled emotion, fantasy, or reason run-a-muck. In the role of pragmatist, Benjamin Franklin warned, “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.” Perhaps in Franklin’s day such an admonition was sound advice. Perhaps it is still good advice today for the general population. However, for that small percentage of the population who are “on fire,” the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson seem more appropriate, “Passion, though a bad regulator, is a powerful spring.” The more contemporary voice of success promoter Anthony Robbins says, “Passion is the genesis of genius.”

Actually, one should question if we are not at greater risk by dampening our passions than by letting them ignite and set our world on fire? Henri Frédéric Amiel wrote in Amiel’s Journal, in December 1856, “Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark.” Amiel’s analogy metaphorically brings the person to life, igniting that which gives us life, the human spirit which itself is metaphorically represented as fire, albeit but a flickering pilot light for many. Field Marshal Ferdinand Foch, some years after Amiel’s passing observed, "The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire." Even more recently, Luisa Sigea, speaking of human passion in the September 2003 edition of O Magazine noted, “Blaze with the fire that is never extinguished.”

Even though the 18th century evangelist John Wesley was likely preaching more of a Franklin philosophy than that of Amiel or Sigea, he still connected that which we refer to as passion with spiritual fire. He did so stating, "When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn." One might say he was correct either way. The masses often find entertainment in seeing the passionate individual flame-out and take a dizzying, spiraling, nosedive toward self-destruction. On the other hand, that anomaly, a person passionately on fire, cannot help but attract the attention of others. They are as rare an event in human history as is Hailey’s Comet amidst the heavens. The first often fails because his courage fails. The latter more often succeeds because courage of one’s convictions fuels and fans the flames into a white-hot heat; passion. In the 18th century, Denis Diderot knew of the connection between passion and the human spirit, writing, “Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things.”

And, contemporary writer Rebecca West observed, “It's the soul's duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion.” The advice Marcus Aurelius Antoninus gave nearly 19 centuries ago would still seem appropriate applied to this current conversation. He observed, “Waste no more time talking about great souls and how they should be. Become one yourself!” Let’s move on!

The bard of homegrown wisdom from the shores of Lake Wobegon, Garrison Keillor, once related, “You taught me to be nice, so nice that now I am so full of niceness, I have no sense of right and wrong, no outrage, no passion.” If we are not careful, if we fear our passionate impulses – forget about the lustful connotations here folks, that is not what we are talking about - then there is a real chance we fear living; being truly alive! A statement attributed to Howard Thurman speaks directly to this thought, “Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Blaise Pascal was of a similar mind when he wrote, "Nothing is so intolerable to man as being fully at rest, without a passion, without business, without entertainment, without care." There are way too many zombies occupying our world already! Do you choose to add to that number? The writer chooses otherwise.

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,

their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."

-- Oscar Wilde

The late Walter Cronkite observed, "I can't imagine a person becoming a success who doesn't give this game of life everything he's got." Talk show host phenomenon Oprah Winfrey shares, “I believe that one of life's greatest risks is never daring to risk.” For some of us, a life without risks, a life lived without all the gusto one can muster, is not a life at all. It all goes back to our finding our true calling, our purpose in life, and then investing everything we have into its fulfillment. We must not allow ourselves to die with “our music still in us!”

Each of us, if we choose to live life fully, must examine our lives thoroughly to determine that which drives us, that which constantly stokes that fire within. For the writer, Bertrand Russell comes very close to identifying and expressing some of his own governing passions:

*****************************************************************

“Three passions have governed my life:

The longings for love, the search for knowledge,

And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.

In the union of love I have seen

In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision

Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.

I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].

I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,

But always pity brought me back to earth;

Cries of pain reverberated in my heart

Of children in famine, of victims tortured

And of old people left helpless.

I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,

And I too suffer.

This has been my life; I found it worth living.”

*********************************************************************

 The writer E. M. Forster understood the power of human passion, especially when acted upon. He noted, "One person with passion is better than forty people merely interested.” Can this be true? Do you believe this statement? Are you the “one,” or are you among the other 39? Margery Allingham, in her book Death of a Ghost, written in1934, wrote, “When the habitually even-tempered suddenly fly into a passion, that explosion is apt to be more impressive than the outburst of the most violent amongst us.” Much like Wesley suggested, that individual Allingham writes about, cannot help but catch the attention of others. Unfortunately, it is not necessarily because they are engaged in something of great importance. Rather, they often catch the attention of others because they are an anomaly. For sure, fire both catches our attention and causes us to fear, occasionally both at the same time. However, as an unidentified author noted, the lack of that fire might warrant our attention equally as much as its presence. In the unknown author’s words, “He who is passionate and hasty, is generally honest; it is your cool dissembling hypocrite, of whom you should beware.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson understood the importance of enthusiasm to the human passionate response and wrote, "Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with all your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." Human passion breeds commitment and rallies the human forces such as enthusiasm to a specific cause. Comedian Bill Cosby spoke to that commitment when he said, "Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it's very hard for people to stop you."

However passionate a person might become, there will be times when s/he is faced with resistance by others. Actress Bette Davis addressed the vicissitudes of passion and commitment in her book The Lonely Life, “My passions were all gathered together like fingers that made a fist. Drive is considered aggression today; I knew it then as purpose.” Aldous Huxley attempted to put a positive spin on society’s stultifying effect on human passion with the acknowledgement, “Every civilization is, among other things, an arrangement for domesticating the passions and setting them to do useful work.”

Hum, well, you be the judge as to civilization’s ability to effectively domesticate the passions and determine what “useful work” might be, but this writer prefers to thank Huxley for his warning, and will be extra cautious around anyone attempting to “domesticate” him and/or determining the usefulness of his work. Realizing that there are sound precautions to follow as one manifests his/her passions, D. H. Lawrence suggested, “Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot.” Furthermore, those of us wanting more out of life than being domesticated might heed the words of Anthony Robbins, "There is no greatness without a passion to be great, whether it's the aspiration of an athlete or an artist, a scientist, a parent, or a businessperson." Also, to avoid domestication, do as Denis Waitley suggests, "Chase your passion, not your pension."

That last line by Waitley undoubtedly has some readers ready to abandon the pursuit of their passions since part of the domestication process is to create a false sense of “security” for those following the laws of the flock. Just recently the writer was visiting with a superintendent who encouraged him to pursue a certain job pathway because of the “great early retirement incentive program” that was offered. Now, if great early retirement incentive programs excite you, contact me and I will share the lead that the fellow gave me. However, if like me, life holds out more to you than retirement incentives, read on because what follows is more exciting to me than retirement incentives. If you have been following my writings you know you are dealing with a guy who intends to set the world on fire, not cool his heels and watch the world go by. Leave the sheep and cattle to be domesticated. For us, a walk on the wild side would seem a greater calling!

Terri Guillemets apparently wasn’t worried that following one’s passions results in diasterous outcomes. He wrote, “Follow your passion, and success will follow you.” Guillemets also realized that following one’s passion is not a one-time, flash-in-the-pan affair and suggested that you must “renew your passions daily.” For many of us the greatest struggle is to bring all aspects of our lives into alignment in order to allow our passion to blossom and flourish; to realize our personal manifest destiny. In the words of an unidentified writer, “When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one, and you reach that deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible.” The matter of “work” is often one of the roadblocks facing the person of passion. David Sarnoff CEO of RCA knows the importance of finding the work that is in harmony with one’s passion and suggests, "Nobody can be successful unless he loves his work."

Dale Carnegie knew this to be true as well and wrote, "You never achieve success unless you like what you are doing." Finding that right niche , where passion and work vibrate with harmony, is vitally important, that is, unless paying your way through encounters with creditors is not a concern of yours. In the words of Albert Camus, "Without work, all life goes rotten. But when work is soulless, life stifles and dies." Thoreau knew of this malaise when he spoke to the people living lives of “quite desperation.” Friedrich Nietzsche was just as aware of the fallout resulting from one following a life of desperation when he wrote, "Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves?" Granted, for the person of passion, finding that “right work” might be a challenge, but it is a challenge each of us must shoulder and be resolute to “stay the course" until successful. Our very lives depend on our being successful! In the words of Donald Trump, "Without passion you don’t have energy, without energy you have nothing."

"Every man is proud of what he does well;

and no man is proud of what he does not do well.

With the former, his heart is in his work;

and he will do twice as much of it with less fatigue.

The latter performs a little imperfectly,

looks at it in disgust, turns from it,

and imagines himself exceedingly tired.

The little he has done, comes to nothing,

for want of finishing."

— Abraham Lincoln

George Wilhelm was quoted in the September 2003 edition of O Magazine stating, “Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.” In the same issue, Oprah Winfrey stated, “Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.” Still a third individual, Nina Berberova shared in that issue of O Magazine, “I had learnt to seek intensity…more of life, a concentrated sense of life.” Search for the “down side” of living your life passionately if you must, but while doing so you might do well to reflect on the advice given by Dorothy L. Sayers in Gaudy Night, “The worst sin - perhaps the only sin - passion can commit, is to be joyless.”

A good question to mull over is whether, or not, passion is actually something we want to consider as optional to the well lived life? The French novelist Honoré de Balzac wrote, “Passion is universal humanity. Without it religion, history, romance and art would be useless.” Those are pretty significant words. Balzac’s observation is a rather profound observation! The choice to concur with, or refute, Balzac’s thoughts is yours. Whatever the final conclusion, it would seem time well spent to reflect on his suggestion. Understanding the fundamental importance of passion to meaningful living is really not as obscure a topic as the regulators of human emotions would lead us to believe. In a more conventional format, rapper Ice T, in The Ice Opinion, shared his perspective on that which Balzac addressed writing, “Passion makes the world go round. Love just makes it a safer place.”

We would not want to conclude this discussion regarding passion leaving the reader believing the writer suggests that passion should exist without any form of authentication. As with any form of human emotion or effort, wisdom must be infused into the process. If for no other reason, effort to keep passion from being ill-tempered, unmanageable, and destructive would seem prudent under nearly all circumstances. Alfred Lord Tennyson encapsulates this idea well in his observation, “The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.” More recently, Salma Hayek shared, “I still get passionate about things, but my passion is not so scattered and it's not needy. It's a lot more powerful because it comes with this groundedness and peacefulness. That it's about the process, not about the results.”

The person truly wishing to have their passions bear fruit understand the need to be vigilant as to what they allow to enter their heart and mind, and discerning as to what is beneficial and what is not. Again, we are not talking about something of recent vintage, but of wisdom passed down through the ages. Twenty centuries ago, Seneca wrote, “It is easier to exclude harmful passions than to rule them, and to deny them admittance than to control them after they have been admitted.”

"Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails

of your seafaring soul, if either your sails or your rudder be broken,

you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.

For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended,

is a flame that burns to its own destruction."

-- Kahlil Gibran

Where does the concept of passion fit into the lives of children and the efforts we make on their behalf? The Children’s Champion believes children are born as intensely passionate beings. All one has to do is to observe the infant learning to crawl, to take her first step, or to engage in play activities. Until the adults start setting limits and liberally using the passion-killing command “no,” children usually appear unstoppable, an engine with its throttle stuck in the wide-open position. Margaret Ramsey MacDonald suggests, "Whatever you do, put romance and enthusiasm into the life of our children." But, stop and think for a moment. Although the Children’s Champion agrees, at least to some extent with MacDonald, there is something about her suggestion that is analogous to fortified white rice – we remove the nutritious part of the rice and then attempt to make it wholesome by trying to artificially replace what we removed. Doesn’t that whole idea of re-instilling something in children that was already present cause just a wee bit of dissonance in your thinking regarding our response to helping children grow and develop?

Until we can work through the dynamics of protecting and promoting the innate qualities and characteristics of the “natural child,” Rousseau’s Emile', MacDonald’s direction is probably an appropriate route to follow. Our charge to “educate” the young needs to capitalize on the inherent attributes we know attract children to the learning process. The late Steve Irwin, of Crocodile Hunter fame, shared the thought, "I believe that education is all about being excited about something. Seeing passion and enthusiasm helps push an educational message."

Marcia Wieder helps people follow and fulfill their dreams. Although her audience is usually an adult one, her following message would seem appropriate for use with children to help them “catch fire” and want to learn: "Fill your life with as many moments and experiences of joy and passion as you humanly can. Start with one experience and build on it." Likewise, we might apply Saul Bellow’s experience to the learning environment. Bellow stated, “There was a disturbance in my heart, a voice that spoke there and said, I want, I want, I want! It happened every afternoon, and when I tried to suppress it, it got even stronger." Can you imagine, even for a moment, how much more exciting, how much more productive, our efforts to educate children would be if we could but help to amplify that voice Bellow speaks of? As Oprah Winfrey said, "Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you." Do you buy into what Oprah says about passion? If so, have you ever been uncomplimentary toward the energy manifested in children’s actions and behaviors? Have you ever heard an elementary teacher exclaim that children need recess in order to burn off excess energy? Why then, if energy and passion are synonymous, would we want children to extinguish their energy, their passion, on something as inconsequential as recess? Instead, why are we not reprogramming our thinking and our response to children’s natural rhythms to capitalize on that passion?

  

"Great dancers are not great because of their technique,

they are great because of their passion."

-- Martha Graham