Core Value - Empathy

Empathy feels these thoughts; your hurt is in my heart,

your loss is in my prayers, your sorrow is in my soul,

and your tears are in my eyes.

--William Arthur Ward

"This is the most enormous extension of vision of which life is capable:

the projection of itself into other lives.

This is the lonely, magnificent power of humanity.

It is . . . the supreme epitome of the reaching out."

— Loren Eiseley, The Immense Journey: An Imaginative Naturalist

Explores the Mysteries of Man and Nature

Theologian and writer Henri J.M. Nouwen painted a marvelous word portrait of empathy in his book The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey when he wrote, "When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." Robert Louis Stevenson, many years earlier, knew about that which Nouwen would write about when he observed, “So long as we love we serve; So long as we are loved by others, I would almost say that we are indispensable; And no one is useless while they have a friend.” Even earlier, Sophocles tapped into this same vein of thought writing, “One who knows how to show and to accept kindness will be a friend better than any possession.”

“Love is that enviable state that knows no envy or vanity,
only empathy and a longing to be greater than oneself”
-- Anita Roddick

The above paragraph seems almost dripping wet with the milk of human kindness, the risking of becoming vulnerable in order to reach out with a comforting hand and heart to another, who in the moment is also vulnerable. If empathy – that ability to in the moment nearly become the other – is such a golden virtue and quality of human emotion and understanding, then why is it not more readily practiced among members of the human community? You may recall our earlier conversation regarding “friendship,” at least from the perspective of the writer? Sharing empathy with another requires of the giver to demonstrate many of the traits attributed to friendship, especially the aspect of having to not expect the other to respond in a like manner. Friendship of which he spoke is not to be likened to a shallow puddle, easily persuaded by wind and quickly dried up by even a passive sun. Instead, the writer’s conception of friendship resembles the deep and often opaque pool, little disturbed by surface events, and always remaining a bit mysterious to all but the few who will explore its depths. Bertrand Russell knew of this type of friendship and understood how essential empathy and its related values were to the preservation of that relationship. Russell wrote, “Friendship is a living thing that lasts only as long as it is nourished with kindness, empathy and understanding.”

"The most valuable things in life are not measured in monetary terms.

The really important things are not houses and lands,

stocks and bonds, automobiles and real estate,

but friendships, trust, confidence, empathy,

mercy, love and faith.”

--Bertrand Russell

Pat Barker is probably getting very close to the mother lode of understanding the “why” of the question above when he suggests, "It's the hardest thing in the world to go on being aware of someone else's pain." Centuries ago, Euripides observed, "When a good man is hurt all who would be called good must suffer with him." Perhaps many of us experience so much pain in our own lives we are already too depleted emotionally to do much for the other person, even if motivated to do so? Tenzin Gyatso, The Fourteenth Dalai Lama, shared a Buddhist perspective on the topic, explaining, “From the moment of birth every human being wants happiness and wants to avoid suffering. In this we are all the same.” Edith Wharton, in the character of Lily, addresses human pain, and more importantly it’s longing for the empathetic, restorative, response of another, in The House of Mirth. Wharton wrote, "As the pain that can be told is but half a pain, so the pity that questions has little healing in its touch. What Lily craved was the darkness made by enfolding arms, the silence which is not solitude, but compassion holding its breath." How many of us at one time in our life or another, perhaps this very moment, can relate to Wharton’s Lily?

I think it's easy to mistake understanding for empathy—
we want empathy so badly. . . .
It's hard and ugly to know somebody can understand
you without even liking you.
--Thomas A. Harris

Too often we look around and see ourselves but one of many empty vessels, longing to be filled by the outpouring of others, only to find ourselves smack in the middle of a desert of human emotion and feeling. We find ourselves surrounded, by the type of individuals Sir Edmund Burke identified in the line, “There are some men formed with feelings so blunt that they can hardly be said to be awake during the whole course of their lives.” Even more unnerving is the possibility that Burke may in fact be speaking of us, as well as to us. Andre Gide provides an appropriate follow-up question to Burke’s comment noting, “"Are you then unable to recognize unless it has the same sound as yours?" Perhaps we ourselves are too blunt emotionally to pick up on the pain and needs of others. For endless reasons untold, many of us are unable, or unwilling, to extend ourselves toward another. Sue Miller, I believe, identifies one of the obstacles to our expressing empathy in her book While I Was Gone, writing, "I felt the kind of desperation, I think, that cancels the possibility of empathy...that makes you unkind." Or, another, as Antoine de Saint-Exupéry penned in The Little Prince, "I did not know how to reach him, how to catch up with him... The land of tears is so mysterious."

Recently, President Barack Obama stated, “We live in a culture that discourages empathy. A culture that too often tells us our principle goal in life is to be rich, thin, young, famous, safe, and entertained.” President Obama’s comment may be right on-target as an observational response, but it doesn’t really tell us a great deal about the “why.” If we examine closely the reasons the President suggests displace empathy as goals for our lives, we detect that all are motivated by a fear of some description. Bertrand Russell gave what might have been a reasonable response to the President’s observation when he wrote, “Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation can be trusted to act humanely or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear.”

"Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion.
When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems
and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others,
our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery
of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our
capacityfor connection - or compassionate action."
— Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence:
The New Science of Human Relationships

For those of us who hold empathy to be a most strategic human value, the quest to understand why there tends to be a shortage of something which should flow like a fountain from every individual’s heart and soul is of significant importance. Perhaps it is because of the apparent complexity of the whole empathy paradigm. Gloria Steinem once commented, “Empathy is the most radical of human emotions.” As Colin Gorman sees it, “Empathy is not a substitute for introspection. Stepping into someone else's shoes because yours don't fit means you still get to walk in ill-fitting shoes, you just don't get to own them.” Gorman’s comment may seem a little too “down-home” to be applied to Steinem’s suggestion, but, if you stop and think about it for a few moments, how radical it is to walk in someone else’s ill-fitting shoes, and then not even ending up owning them. We are not talking about quid pro quo here. We are talking about sacrifice, and that brings us back home to ourselves in a hurry.

In rationalizing the situation, the tendency is to meander back in the direction of putting the scales to our own pain and discomfort, and determine that instead of giving, we should be receiving. This is not an uncommon decision, but for some of us it becomes a dilemma if we allow ourselves to look beyond our own horizons. As James Baldwin writes, "You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive." As a bit of an interlude, we believe it worthwhile to add another thought or two to that of Baldwin’s regarding the value of literature and other media sources in helping us to build perspective about the suffering of others and the need for us to take the risk to reach out to them. John Connolly wrote in The Book of Lost Things, "I think the act of reading imbues the reader with a sensitivity toward the outside world that people who don't read can sometimes lack. I know it seems like a contradiction in terms; after all reading is such a solitary, internalizing act that it appears to represent a disengagement from day-to-day life. But reading, and particularly the reading of fiction, encourages us to view the world in new and challenging ways...It allows us to inhabit the consciousness of another which is a precursor to empathy, and empathy is, for me, one of the marks of a decent human being."

Frederick Buechner, writing in Whistling in the Dark: A Doubter's Dictionary, addresses this challenge of reaching out to others even when we ourselves sense such a need, noting, "If we are to love our neighbors, before doing anything else we must see our neighbors. With our imagination as well as our eyes, that is to say like artists, we must see not just their faces but the life behind and within their faces. Here it is love that is the frame we see them in." And, at this point, it would be wise to remember as Susan Kay suggests, "None of us can choose where we shall love..." You may be personally so blessed as to be the exception to Kay’s suggestion, but for most of us, Kay is probably hitting pretty close to home.

"Empathy is the love-fire of sweet remembrance
and shared understanding."
--John Eaton

Another possible response to the “why” question might be obstacles associated with the human intellect. According to the majority of scientists and psychologists, the human intellect, the power to think and reason, sets humans above the other animals on the planet. Whether you wish to agree with this line of thought is a personal choice. However, our intellect may in effect separate us from each other, as well as the other animals. Dean Koontz believes, “Some people think only intellect counts: knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize it. But the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion and empathy.” Our intellect, frequently combined with cultural biases, would also have one believe that showing the qualities of compassion are signs of weakness. Kahil Gibran refuted such thinking, suggesting the opposite to be true. He wrote, “Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.” Daniel Goldman, contemporary guru of emotional intelligence, adds to the conversation his observation, “If your emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.”

A fallout resulting from the human intellectual response to contemporary demands on society is the concept of efficiency. Ask an accountant about what is important to the wellbeing of her business and the answer will likely be “billable hours.” When time invested is not paying the return expected then dissonance enters and true reasoning exits the scenario. This is not to say there is not a case for efficiency of our efforts, but as Stephen Covey recognizes, “Empathy takes time, and efficiency is for things, not people.” In a product-oriented world, Bonnie Jean Wasmund reminds us, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” To that train of thought, Scott Adams adds, “Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” The renowned theologian, and one-time Chaplin to the United States Congress, Peter Marshall would add to the mix the belief, “Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned.” But, with these thoughts comes a caveat. Patricia Sun reminds us, “The discoveries of how we can grow and the insights we need to have really come from the inside out. To have genuine empathy, not as a make-nice tool but as an understanding, is essential to the next step.”

CNN reporter Anderson Cooper believes, “Anyone who has experienced a certain amount of loss in their life has empathy for those who have experienced loss.” Cooper may, or may not, be accurate in his assessment that observed, or personal loss, engenders empathy in oneself. However, what about those who do not have those experiences? The question arises, “Is empathy an innate human attribute or one that is learned? Jacqui Rivait leans toward the latter, stating, “I don't believe that children are born with empathy. It is something they learn by seeing it modeled by others.” The ancient Greek poet and philosopher, Homer, also believe empathy to be a learned response, writing, "Yet, taught by time, my heart has learned to glow for other's good, and melt at other's woe." Actress Meryl Streep considers empathy a gift, “The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy.”

"Sometimes I am asked by kids why

I condemn marijuana when I haven't tried it.

The greatest obstetricians in the world have never been pregnant."

--Art Linkletter

However one attains the ability to show empathy toward another, it is important that we assist children, and adults, in putting empathy into action. But, in helping the child to learn about empathy, we ourselves must be able to demonstrate the same toward the child. Alice Miller spoke to this notion stating, “Learning is a result of listening, which in turn leads to even better listening and attentiveness to the other person. In other words, to learn from the child, we must have empathy, and empathy grows as we learn.” Although we will save the topic of learning for another time, it does seem appropriate to remind ourselves that learning, true learning, does not travel down a one-way street! We must be able to engage fully in the process of learning with the child, otherwise we are more likely talking about indoctrination rather than learning. Kathrine Ellison believes that this learning begins very early in our adult-child relationship, noting, “Empathy frequently informs our earliest days with our infants as we try to figure out what they need, how to comfort and satisfy them.”

“We empathize-it's our chief way of learning.”
--John Gardner

Lydia Millet, in Oh Pure and Radiant Heart, believes instilling empathy in the developing child goes beyond conventional thought as it pertains to learning. Millet writes, "It is not learning we need at all. Individuals need learning but the culture needs something else, the pulse of light on the sea, the warm urge of huddling together to keep out the cold. We need empathy, we need the eyes that still can weep." Climbing the same ladder of social evolution, Betty Levin shares in the chapter “Polar Bears and Lemmings” in Origins of Story, "Children who find a single important life in the ordinary, unimportant, and unheroic are less likely to succumb to the human fallacy of us versus them." Yes, empathy requires of us humans a major social evolution, perhaps even a peaceful revolution, if we are to fulfill the wish of Anita Roddick: “I hope to leave my children a sense of empathy and pity and a will to right social wrongs.”

Actress Susan Sarandon believes, “When you start to develop your powers of empathy and imagination, the whole world opens up to you.” What Susan doesn’t explain in that statement is the complexity of developing the empathy she speaks about. Remember the earlier question as to why something such as empathy that seems so essential to human existence is not in greater abundance? We must work on ourselves before we work on others. In terms of empathy, one human addiction that must be overcome is our quickness to judge and punish. As Daniel Defoe wrote, “I hear much of peoples' calling out to punish the guilty, but very few are concerned to clear the innocent.” In addition, we must peel away the layers of callous that shield us from the concerns of our fellow human beings. As Salma Hayek observed, “Not to him who is offensive to us are we most unfair, but to him who doth not concern us at all.”

“Human altruism is thought to be based, in part, on empathy.

To be empathetic, you need to understand the thoughts

and desires of others.”

--Joan Silk

Even closer to home, we must overcome aggressive, destructive, behaviors and replace them with those that heal and build. Of this Dan Fallon states, “You don't have to accept the invitation to get angry. Instead, practice forgiveness, empathy and encouragement.” Add to this success formula the art of listening to the other person. As Stephen R. Covey points out: “When you listen with empathy to another person, you give that person psychological air.” This not-so-simple act of human respect helps to validate the other person and ensures success of both parties. Nearly a century ago, Henry Ford knew this to be true when he expressed, ”If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get to the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own.”

“Mourn not the dead that in the cool earth lie,

but rather mourn the apathetic, throng the coward

and the meek who see the world's great anguish

and its wrong, and dare not speak.”

--Ralph Chaplin

"Humani nihil a se alineum putat."

(He deems nothing human alien to him.)

— Terrence De Quincey

Core Value - Passion

“Chase down your passion like it's the last bus of the night.”

--Terri Guillemets

"When natural inclination develops into a passionate desire,

one advances towards his goal in seven-league boots."

-- Nikola Tesla

“If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived?

Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it

become you and you will find great things happen FOR you,

TO you and BECAUSE of you.”

-- T. Alan Armstrong 

William Hazlitt would have us believe, “A strong passion for any object will ensure success, for the desire of the end will point out the means.” How would you respond to Mr. Hazlitt? How does the concept of passion fit into your paradigm of success? There are those that would discourage us from making passion anything more than unbridled emotion, fantasy, or reason run-a-muck. In the role of pragmatist, Benjamin Franklin warned, “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.” Perhaps in Franklin’s day such an admonition was sound advice. Perhaps it is still good advice today for the general population. However, for that small percentage of the population who are “on fire,” the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson seem more appropriate, “Passion, though a bad regulator, is a powerful spring.” The more contemporary voice of success promoter Anthony Robbins says, “Passion is the genesis of genius.”

Actually, one should question if we are not at greater risk by dampening our passions than by letting them ignite and set our world on fire? Henri Frédéric Amiel wrote in Amiel’s Journal, in December 1856, “Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark.” Amiel’s analogy metaphorically brings the person to life, igniting that which gives us life, the human spirit which itself is metaphorically represented as fire, albeit but a flickering pilot light for many. Field Marshal Ferdinand Foch, some years after Amiel’s passing observed, "The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire." Even more recently, Luisa Sigea, speaking of human passion in the September 2003 edition of O Magazine noted, “Blaze with the fire that is never extinguished.”

Even though the 18th century evangelist John Wesley was likely preaching more of a Franklin philosophy than that of Amiel or Sigea, he still connected that which we refer to as passion with spiritual fire. He did so stating, "When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn." One might say he was correct either way. The masses often find entertainment in seeing the passionate individual flame-out and take a dizzying, spiraling, nosedive toward self-destruction. On the other hand, that anomaly, a person passionately on fire, cannot help but attract the attention of others. They are as rare an event in human history as is Hailey’s Comet amidst the heavens. The first often fails because his courage fails. The latter more often succeeds because courage of one’s convictions fuels and fans the flames into a white-hot heat; passion. In the 18th century, Denis Diderot knew of the connection between passion and the human spirit, writing, “Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things.”

And, contemporary writer Rebecca West observed, “It's the soul's duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion.” The advice Marcus Aurelius Antoninus gave nearly 19 centuries ago would still seem appropriate applied to this current conversation. He observed, “Waste no more time talking about great souls and how they should be. Become one yourself!” Let’s move on!

The bard of homegrown wisdom from the shores of Lake Wobegon, Garrison Keillor, once related, “You taught me to be nice, so nice that now I am so full of niceness, I have no sense of right and wrong, no outrage, no passion.” If we are not careful, if we fear our passionate impulses – forget about the lustful connotations here folks, that is not what we are talking about - then there is a real chance we fear living; being truly alive! A statement attributed to Howard Thurman speaks directly to this thought, “Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Blaise Pascal was of a similar mind when he wrote, "Nothing is so intolerable to man as being fully at rest, without a passion, without business, without entertainment, without care." There are way too many zombies occupying our world already! Do you choose to add to that number? The writer chooses otherwise.

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,

their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."

-- Oscar Wilde

The late Walter Cronkite observed, "I can't imagine a person becoming a success who doesn't give this game of life everything he's got." Talk show host phenomenon Oprah Winfrey shares, “I believe that one of life's greatest risks is never daring to risk.” For some of us, a life without risks, a life lived without all the gusto one can muster, is not a life at all. It all goes back to our finding our true calling, our purpose in life, and then investing everything we have into its fulfillment. We must not allow ourselves to die with “our music still in us!”

Each of us, if we choose to live life fully, must examine our lives thoroughly to determine that which drives us, that which constantly stokes that fire within. For the writer, Bertrand Russell comes very close to identifying and expressing some of his own governing passions:

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“Three passions have governed my life:

The longings for love, the search for knowledge,

And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.

In the union of love I have seen

In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision

Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.

I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].

I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,

But always pity brought me back to earth;

Cries of pain reverberated in my heart

Of children in famine, of victims tortured

And of old people left helpless.

I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,

And I too suffer.

This has been my life; I found it worth living.”

*********************************************************************

 The writer E. M. Forster understood the power of human passion, especially when acted upon. He noted, "One person with passion is better than forty people merely interested.” Can this be true? Do you believe this statement? Are you the “one,” or are you among the other 39? Margery Allingham, in her book Death of a Ghost, written in1934, wrote, “When the habitually even-tempered suddenly fly into a passion, that explosion is apt to be more impressive than the outburst of the most violent amongst us.” Much like Wesley suggested, that individual Allingham writes about, cannot help but catch the attention of others. Unfortunately, it is not necessarily because they are engaged in something of great importance. Rather, they often catch the attention of others because they are an anomaly. For sure, fire both catches our attention and causes us to fear, occasionally both at the same time. However, as an unidentified author noted, the lack of that fire might warrant our attention equally as much as its presence. In the unknown author’s words, “He who is passionate and hasty, is generally honest; it is your cool dissembling hypocrite, of whom you should beware.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson understood the importance of enthusiasm to the human passionate response and wrote, "Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with all your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." Human passion breeds commitment and rallies the human forces such as enthusiasm to a specific cause. Comedian Bill Cosby spoke to that commitment when he said, "Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it's very hard for people to stop you."

However passionate a person might become, there will be times when s/he is faced with resistance by others. Actress Bette Davis addressed the vicissitudes of passion and commitment in her book The Lonely Life, “My passions were all gathered together like fingers that made a fist. Drive is considered aggression today; I knew it then as purpose.” Aldous Huxley attempted to put a positive spin on society’s stultifying effect on human passion with the acknowledgement, “Every civilization is, among other things, an arrangement for domesticating the passions and setting them to do useful work.”

Hum, well, you be the judge as to civilization’s ability to effectively domesticate the passions and determine what “useful work” might be, but this writer prefers to thank Huxley for his warning, and will be extra cautious around anyone attempting to “domesticate” him and/or determining the usefulness of his work. Realizing that there are sound precautions to follow as one manifests his/her passions, D. H. Lawrence suggested, “Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot.” Furthermore, those of us wanting more out of life than being domesticated might heed the words of Anthony Robbins, "There is no greatness without a passion to be great, whether it's the aspiration of an athlete or an artist, a scientist, a parent, or a businessperson." Also, to avoid domestication, do as Denis Waitley suggests, "Chase your passion, not your pension."

That last line by Waitley undoubtedly has some readers ready to abandon the pursuit of their passions since part of the domestication process is to create a false sense of “security” for those following the laws of the flock. Just recently the writer was visiting with a superintendent who encouraged him to pursue a certain job pathway because of the “great early retirement incentive program” that was offered. Now, if great early retirement incentive programs excite you, contact me and I will share the lead that the fellow gave me. However, if like me, life holds out more to you than retirement incentives, read on because what follows is more exciting to me than retirement incentives. If you have been following my writings you know you are dealing with a guy who intends to set the world on fire, not cool his heels and watch the world go by. Leave the sheep and cattle to be domesticated. For us, a walk on the wild side would seem a greater calling!

Terri Guillemets apparently wasn’t worried that following one’s passions results in diasterous outcomes. He wrote, “Follow your passion, and success will follow you.” Guillemets also realized that following one’s passion is not a one-time, flash-in-the-pan affair and suggested that you must “renew your passions daily.” For many of us the greatest struggle is to bring all aspects of our lives into alignment in order to allow our passion to blossom and flourish; to realize our personal manifest destiny. In the words of an unidentified writer, “When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one, and you reach that deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible.” The matter of “work” is often one of the roadblocks facing the person of passion. David Sarnoff CEO of RCA knows the importance of finding the work that is in harmony with one’s passion and suggests, "Nobody can be successful unless he loves his work."

Dale Carnegie knew this to be true as well and wrote, "You never achieve success unless you like what you are doing." Finding that right niche , where passion and work vibrate with harmony, is vitally important, that is, unless paying your way through encounters with creditors is not a concern of yours. In the words of Albert Camus, "Without work, all life goes rotten. But when work is soulless, life stifles and dies." Thoreau knew of this malaise when he spoke to the people living lives of “quite desperation.” Friedrich Nietzsche was just as aware of the fallout resulting from one following a life of desperation when he wrote, "Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves?" Granted, for the person of passion, finding that “right work” might be a challenge, but it is a challenge each of us must shoulder and be resolute to “stay the course" until successful. Our very lives depend on our being successful! In the words of Donald Trump, "Without passion you don’t have energy, without energy you have nothing."

"Every man is proud of what he does well;

and no man is proud of what he does not do well.

With the former, his heart is in his work;

and he will do twice as much of it with less fatigue.

The latter performs a little imperfectly,

looks at it in disgust, turns from it,

and imagines himself exceedingly tired.

The little he has done, comes to nothing,

for want of finishing."

— Abraham Lincoln

George Wilhelm was quoted in the September 2003 edition of O Magazine stating, “Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.” In the same issue, Oprah Winfrey stated, “Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.” Still a third individual, Nina Berberova shared in that issue of O Magazine, “I had learnt to seek intensity…more of life, a concentrated sense of life.” Search for the “down side” of living your life passionately if you must, but while doing so you might do well to reflect on the advice given by Dorothy L. Sayers in Gaudy Night, “The worst sin - perhaps the only sin - passion can commit, is to be joyless.”

A good question to mull over is whether, or not, passion is actually something we want to consider as optional to the well lived life? The French novelist Honoré de Balzac wrote, “Passion is universal humanity. Without it religion, history, romance and art would be useless.” Those are pretty significant words. Balzac’s observation is a rather profound observation! The choice to concur with, or refute, Balzac’s thoughts is yours. Whatever the final conclusion, it would seem time well spent to reflect on his suggestion. Understanding the fundamental importance of passion to meaningful living is really not as obscure a topic as the regulators of human emotions would lead us to believe. In a more conventional format, rapper Ice T, in The Ice Opinion, shared his perspective on that which Balzac addressed writing, “Passion makes the world go round. Love just makes it a safer place.”

We would not want to conclude this discussion regarding passion leaving the reader believing the writer suggests that passion should exist without any form of authentication. As with any form of human emotion or effort, wisdom must be infused into the process. If for no other reason, effort to keep passion from being ill-tempered, unmanageable, and destructive would seem prudent under nearly all circumstances. Alfred Lord Tennyson encapsulates this idea well in his observation, “The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.” More recently, Salma Hayek shared, “I still get passionate about things, but my passion is not so scattered and it's not needy. It's a lot more powerful because it comes with this groundedness and peacefulness. That it's about the process, not about the results.”

The person truly wishing to have their passions bear fruit understand the need to be vigilant as to what they allow to enter their heart and mind, and discerning as to what is beneficial and what is not. Again, we are not talking about something of recent vintage, but of wisdom passed down through the ages. Twenty centuries ago, Seneca wrote, “It is easier to exclude harmful passions than to rule them, and to deny them admittance than to control them after they have been admitted.”

"Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails

of your seafaring soul, if either your sails or your rudder be broken,

you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.

For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended,

is a flame that burns to its own destruction."

-- Kahlil Gibran

Where does the concept of passion fit into the lives of children and the efforts we make on their behalf? The Children’s Champion believes children are born as intensely passionate beings. All one has to do is to observe the infant learning to crawl, to take her first step, or to engage in play activities. Until the adults start setting limits and liberally using the passion-killing command “no,” children usually appear unstoppable, an engine with its throttle stuck in the wide-open position. Margaret Ramsey MacDonald suggests, "Whatever you do, put romance and enthusiasm into the life of our children." But, stop and think for a moment. Although the Children’s Champion agrees, at least to some extent with MacDonald, there is something about her suggestion that is analogous to fortified white rice – we remove the nutritious part of the rice and then attempt to make it wholesome by trying to artificially replace what we removed. Doesn’t that whole idea of re-instilling something in children that was already present cause just a wee bit of dissonance in your thinking regarding our response to helping children grow and develop?

Until we can work through the dynamics of protecting and promoting the innate qualities and characteristics of the “natural child,” Rousseau’s Emile', MacDonald’s direction is probably an appropriate route to follow. Our charge to “educate” the young needs to capitalize on the inherent attributes we know attract children to the learning process. The late Steve Irwin, of Crocodile Hunter fame, shared the thought, "I believe that education is all about being excited about something. Seeing passion and enthusiasm helps push an educational message."

Marcia Wieder helps people follow and fulfill their dreams. Although her audience is usually an adult one, her following message would seem appropriate for use with children to help them “catch fire” and want to learn: "Fill your life with as many moments and experiences of joy and passion as you humanly can. Start with one experience and build on it." Likewise, we might apply Saul Bellow’s experience to the learning environment. Bellow stated, “There was a disturbance in my heart, a voice that spoke there and said, I want, I want, I want! It happened every afternoon, and when I tried to suppress it, it got even stronger." Can you imagine, even for a moment, how much more exciting, how much more productive, our efforts to educate children would be if we could but help to amplify that voice Bellow speaks of? As Oprah Winfrey said, "Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you." Do you buy into what Oprah says about passion? If so, have you ever been uncomplimentary toward the energy manifested in children’s actions and behaviors? Have you ever heard an elementary teacher exclaim that children need recess in order to burn off excess energy? Why then, if energy and passion are synonymous, would we want children to extinguish their energy, their passion, on something as inconsequential as recess? Instead, why are we not reprogramming our thinking and our response to children’s natural rhythms to capitalize on that passion?

  

"Great dancers are not great because of their technique,

they are great because of their passion."

-- Martha Graham

Core Value - Courage

“Is he alone who has courage on his right hand and faith on his left hand?”

--Charles Lindbergh

“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure,

to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer

meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting,

for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.”

--Alan Cohen

Do you consider yourself a person of courage? Are you willing to give some cause in your life everything you have to give; your all? In earlier postings we examined our level of commitment to a variety of core values and beliefs. If one reflects on the investment of one’s inner resources required to adhere to our values and beliefs, it becomes profoundly evident that believing in, and standing firmly with, that which we totally believe to be true; worth dying for; worth living for! Courage as presented in this entry can be as subtle as it is bold, as sublime as it is extravagant, or as timeless as it is in the moment. Most of us have heard the old standby, “S/he had to work up the courage,” as if one has the luxury of time and forethought to work up the fortitude to face what awaits us. The courage this writer is referring to is more in line with that which Charles DuBois had in mind when he suggested, “The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.” Is that your idea of courage? Is there something you believe in so fervently that you are willing to let go with both hands and take the proverbial leap of faith; the faith Lindbergh attaches to courage? Discovering the true purpose of, and for, your life, and then going after it with all the gusto you can muster requires courage. But, this is one of those times that each of us must decide to take Frost’s “road less traveled by” or to feel safe and secure in taking the road of the mainstream; the road of least resistance. It is a choice that each of us must make, and it can make “all the difference.”

Each of us has an inner dream that we can unfold if we

will just have the courage to admit what it is.

And the faith to trust our own admission.

The admitting is often very difficult.

--Julia Cameron

Interestingly, for the majority of us, the greatest obstacle between us and courage is fear, fear that is subcutaneous, fear that chills the marrow of our bones. The very idea of facing “failure” in all of its many hypnotic, paralyzing, forms literally stops us in our tracks; to see a world of impossibilities rather than a world of possibilities. Risk becomes a four letter obscenity that blasphemes that which we believe to represent safety and security. Ridicule and criticism are seen as mountains more formidable than Everest or K2. Vertigo sets in before we take the first step, and becomes justification for embracing the mediocrity that shapes our lives, which paradoxically we will unwittingly, by fiat, defend with that life that fears risk-taking. In a speech given in Paris at the Sorbonne in 1910, Theodore Roosevelt spoke to the possible sacrifice that courage may require of us stating, “It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

“Heroes to me are guys that sit in libraries.

They absorb knowledge and then the risks

they take are calculated on the basis of

the courage it took to become replete

with knowledge.”

--William Hurt

The writer realizes that there will be some among the readers who will dismiss Roosevelt as being one of bravado and braggadocio persuasion who sees courage as a testosterone-ravaged, male-hero, talisman charging into danger with abandon and guns blazing. Is that the point Roosevelt was actually trying to make, or is it more our perception of what he is saying based upon the commonly proffered legends of the man? To avoid such a misrepresentation of the meaning of courage, and to present a feminine perspective on the subject consider the words of Susan B. Anthony: “Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform. Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathy with despised and persecuted ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences.” It is not the intent of the writer to discourage people from properly applying caution, where and when appropriate, to their lives. But, if caution becomes the credo of anyone unwilling to take risks, then its effect is debilitating rather than cautionary. Anne Dillard observed, “You can't test courage cautiously.” As Margaret Chase Smith believed, “Moral cowardice that keeps us from speaking our minds is as dangerous to this country as irresponsible talk. The right way is not always the popular and easy way. Standing for right when it is unpopular is a true test of moral character.” According to Dorothy Thompson, thoughts of courage will not suffice. Instead, the person must translate thought into action. She wrote, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”

“Either life entails courage, or it ceases to be life.”

--E. M. Forster

Often rock climbers will find themselves in a challenging situation. They may even momentarily succumb to believing they have landed in the middle of the realm of impossibilities; no way up, no way down; no way out! However, once the wave of fearful emotions is cast ashore and retreats, clarity of purpose returns and the climber calculates the next move and dares to move forward. In a similar fashion, each of us finds ourself clinging to a wall of impossibilities from time to time. We become frightened, frozen in our tracks, unable to think clearly, and seeing no possible route that will lead us beyond this ledge of indecision. As with the climber, we must take a moment to allow the adrenaline to recede and our emotions to subside. Two basic choices avail themselves to us at this point. One, we can continue to cling to the wall of impossibility until we can no longer maintain our grip and then allow ourselves to free-fall into the oblivion of mediocrity. On the other hand, we accept the risk of that next step, and move onward toward our goal.

Accepting the second choice is so very crucial to those committed to achieving one’s life purpose; the reason for being. To this thought, Soren Kierkegaard wrote, “To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself.” Likewise, Gilbert K. Chesterton noted, “The paradox of courage is that a man must be a little careless of his life even in order to keep it.” None of us is certain what awaits us in the future, but if we don’t keep taking one step after another, we will never find out. Mignon McLaughlin wrote in The Neurotic's Notebook, “Courage can't see around corners, but goes around them anyway.” Similarly, Raymond Lindquist noted, “Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.”

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear,

but the triumph over it.

The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid,

but he who conquers that fear.”

-- Nelson Mandela

Although not the exact opposite of courage, fear is essentially the counterbalance for those making tough choices; demonstrating courage. According to the author of Proverbs, “Fear and courage are brothers.” Too often one creates a false paradigm that portrays courage as the absence of fear. In the vast majority of cases, this is likely not the case. In fact, usually quite the opposite is true. As the World War I flying ace Edward Vernon Rickenbacker shared, “Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.” Or, as John Wayne put it, “Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway.” Fear, and being afraid, is a natural primeval instinct aimed at keeping the person alive in the presence of danger. But, fear does not have to be the paralyzing, depilating, force that many allow it to be. Arthur Koestler believed, “Courage is never to let your actions be influenced by your fears.” Instead, fear should heighten our senses, and put us more in tune with our environment, and help us to navigate around obstacles between us and our destination. Ambrose Redmoon reminds us, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” And for those unable, or not ready, to take a big leap of faith and move forward, courage is still important to keep one moving forward, even if we only inch-along toward our destination. Mignon McLaughlin wrote in The Second Neurotic's Notebook, “The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next.” Along the same line of thought, Harriet Beecher Stowe wrote, “I long to accomplish great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.” Yes, sooner or later, we come to the realization that small things, small efforts, do make a difference. There are no small things!

“Courage easily finds its own eloquence.”

--Titus Maccius Plautus

No matter what is written here, there will still be those among the readers who scoff at the suggestions made thus far, and those yet to be offered. Claiming to be pragmatists and realists, skeptic and cynics, a plethora of reasons will be thrown down as a gauntlet of sorts to disclaim and disprove what they will portray as naiveté. All the better! As Buckminster Fuller declared, “Dare to be naive.” Some among us believe the world could use a good deal more naiveté! Without it we become stagnant, our creativity and genius shriveled and thwarted. Aristotle noted, “Without courage, wisdom bears no fruit.” And as Erich Fromm wrote, “Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.” We must allow ourselves to become open, yea even vulnerable, to the world of possibilities that awaits us. As individuals, and as a collective society, we must allow ourselves to be naïve enough to believe and have faith that something better awaits us in the future. But, we must let go of today, if we hope to experience tomorrow. We absolutely must! In the words of Lord Chesterfield, “Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” Walt Disney realized and understood this truth when he stated, “All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” Do you believe this? Can you believe this to be true? Is fear standing between you and your dream? Do you consider all of this vapid blandishment by some starry-eyed idealist? Indeed, this whole chapter may be nothing but the vacuous ranting of some misanthrope hoping to aid in the misery of human disappointment. Are you willing to risk that he isn’t? Clay Aiken related, “My mother taught me that we all have the power to achieve our dreams. What I lacked was the courage.”

"The courage to imagine the otherwise is our greatest resource,

adding color and suspense to all our life."

--Daniel J. Boorstin

C. S. Lewis wrote, “Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” To this notion, Maya Angelou added, “Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.” The priority ranking the reader might wish to bestow upon courage is a personal choice. However, if one believes in the importance of values to, and in, a person’s life, there can be no getting around the importance of courage in the gestalt of human existence. Albert Camus observed, “Those who lack the courage will always find a philosophy to justify it.” If we lack courage in the moment, we must not allow ourselves to be condemned to a life of fear and discouragement. Instead, we must believe that overcoming fear and gaining courage is simply one more of the challenges we each must face in our individual and collective evolution. Hope is something we must cling to dearly. Hope is what helps us to inch our way around that wall of impossibilities. That hope was expressed by Maya Angelou when she stated, “One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential.” Marian Wright Edelman, in her book The Trumpet of Conscience wrote, “If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.” Hope with conviction morphs into faith, and as Marcus Tullius Cicero observed, “A man of courage is also full of faith.”

“Take chances, make mistakes.That's how you grow.

Pain nourishes your courage.You have to fail in order

to practice being brave.”

--Mary Tyler Moore

So, we come back to the importance of courage in relation to the other virtues. Clare Boothe Luce suggested, “Courage is the ladder on which all the other virtues mount.” And, as Samuel Johnson acknowledged, “Courage is reckoned the greatest of all virtues; because, unless a man has that virtue, he has no security for preserving any other.” Michel de Montaigne added his perspective, “The strangest, most generous, and proudest of all virtues is true courage.” Yet, the question that must arise from all this acknowledgement of courage’s importance as a value is, “If courage is so important why does there seem to be a scarcity among the general masses?” This is a great question, and no small one to answer. Ralph Waldo Emerson addressed this question in his statement, “The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.”

The test of courage frequently becomes even more difficult with those whom we share a greater intimacy. Theodore H. White acknowledged the challenge, writing, “To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.” Surprisingly, the person with courage, the hero, becomes the anti-hero in our society. On one hand the person of courage is admired, on the other s/he is despised. As Hermann Hesse observes, “People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest.” At first such a perspective seems counter-intuitive. However, if we step back and examine social norms and tendencies it begins to make sense. Rollo May points out that, “The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it is conformity.” Answer the question for yourself; is there pressure to conform in our society? Have you experienced such pressure yourself at any time in your life? Except for those of us who like to delude ourselves, the question is most certainly going to be answered with “yes.”

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

--Erma Bombeck

In contemporary society, deviating from the norm is considered eccentricity. John Stuart Mill spoke to this when he stated, “The amount of eccentricity in a society has generally been proportional to the amount of genius, mental vigor, and moral courage it contained. That so few now dare to be eccentric marks the chief danger of the time.” The person of true courage, that which stands the trials and tribulations that daring to defy the “code of the flock” is sure to bring, is going to have to find the source of strength either in oneself, or a higher power. Speaking to the danger of seeking strength and courage in oneself through that of others, Ralph Waldo Emerson acknowledged, “Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons.” True courage, courage that perseveres, that stands resolute in the face of adversity, comes from within, be it through one’s conscious and subconscious resources, or through connection to a higher source, call it God, or whatever aligns with your own personal belief system. Rollo May noted, “It requires greater courage to preserve inner freedom, to move on in one's inward journey into new realms, than to stand defiantly for outer freedom. It is often easier to play the martyr, as it is to be rash in battle.” As becomes apparent throughout the statements shared in the preceding lines, courage requires much of the person who chooses to pursue it. Everything worthwhile in life comes with an attached cost, and courage is no different. However, for the person who wants to find her purpose in life, to follow her vision, or accomplish her mission, to be what is referred to as being “successful,” sooner or later, will find herself in the cage with the creatures of discouragement. Orison Swett Marden wrote, “Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.” Winston Churchill put courage in context to success when he remarked, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” For the majority, extricating oneself from the call to conformity, paddling against the tide of mediocrity, is not worth the investment of personal resources required to do so. The status quo becomes the new gold standard, while entropy slowly works to wither our resolve to be different than the rest of the crowd. For those resolute to display courage in their lives, there is added a special quality to their existence; a beauty. William Congreve recognized this quality of courage when he wrote, “There is in true beauty, as in courage, something which narrow souls cannot dare to admire.”

“If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love,

you have to find the courage to live it.”

--John Irving

Courage becomes one of the cornerstones to living a life of purpose and meaning. It provides us with the strength to keep on keeping on when the odds against our success seem too great. James Allen understood the foundational qualities of courage when he wrote, “Whether you be man or woman you will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.” Thomas S. Monson likewise recognized the importance of courage in a person’s life when he related, “The principles of living greatly include the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and trial with humility.” And, as Plutarch acknowledged, “Courage consists not in hazarding without fear; but being resolutely minded in a just cause.” Becoming a person of substance, the person that your core cries out to become, is going to require the person to rally the forces within, and boldly strike out for the intended destination. Helen Keller realized the importance of courage in the life of a successful person. She believed, “With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.” As Confucius pointed out, “Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of men.” Alfred North Whitehead also realized the true value of courage to the person of purpose when he stated, “True courage is not the brutal force of vulgar heroes, but the firm resolve of virtue and reason.”

Perhaps it is time to do a reality check. Where do you want to go with your life? What do you hope to accomplish? How do you see courage impacting those decisions? Are you fearful of falling on your face or certain of landing on your feet? Hopefully, you have answered positively all the posed questions. Although often used in the form of a cliché, our outlook, either positive or negative, does have an impact on how things unfold. Think about it for a moment. Which is more reasonable, that one is more likely to experience courage when in a positive, or a negative, frame of mind? You make the decision. Nicholas Murray Butler was clear about the effect that attitude has on courage stating, “Optimism is the foundation of courage.” Tommy Douglas knew the value of a positive attitude as it applies to courage when he said, “Courage, my friends; 'tis not too late to build a better world.”

“If you could get up the courage to begin, you have the courage to succeed.”

--David Viscott

Douglas’ statement is a good segue into bringing all that has been said up to this point to a meaningful closure. Having courage is not enough. For it to have meaning for ourselves and others it must lead to some productive end. Dale Carnegie understood the importance of putting our ideas into action. He wrote, ‘Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” John F. Kennedy was quoted as saying, “Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.” And, often times, this means a direction contrary to supported by popular opinion. Albert Einstein applied this thinking in his statement, “Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.” The idea of genius is believed an important aspect in our consideration of courage and all its facets. Henry Van Dyke observed, “Genius is talent set on fire by courage.”

Courage is not the blanched commodity of the foolhardy, but the seasoned staple of the wise. Joseph Epstein acknowledges the importance of application to setting when he suggested, “Courage is nine-tenths context. What is courageous in one setting can be foolhardy in another and even cowardly in a third.” Unless we get too contextual in our orientation, what has been acknowledged as courage heretofore in this paragraph is courage manifested in the world. Even more important is courage manifested within oneself. François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld wrote in Maxims back in 1678, “Perfect courage means doing unwitnessed what we would be capable of with the world looking on.” This notion of unwitnessed courage carries over in the writings of Karl Von Clausewitz: “Two qualities are indispensable: first, an intellect that, even in the darkest hour, retains some glimmerings of the inner light which leads to truth; and second, the courage to follow this faint light wherever it may lead.” Although courage can be a shared phenomenon, its greatest strength still appears to be manifested in the actions of individuals. As Robert Green Ingersoll pointed out, “It is a blessed thing that in every age someone has had the individuality enough and courage enough to stand by his own convictions.”

“Hope lies in dreams, in imagination, and in the courage

of those who dare to make dreams into reality.”

--Jonas Salk

With every entry into the Children’s Champion’s writings comes the question, “How does this apply to our interactions with children. Advocating for children requires great courage on the part of those who will take a stand for the rights and welfare of children. Courage is also one of the values we hope will become part of each child’s reality, not an anomaly. Mary McLeod Bethune observed, “We have a powerful potential in our youth, and we must have the courage to change old ideas and practices so that we may direct their power toward good ends.” In a world appearing geared toward mediocrity, being creative in our approach to helping children takes on risks of its own. Henri Matisse observed, “Creativity takes courage.” Yet it all goes back to our purpose, our mission, our reason for doing whatever it is that we are doing or feel driven to do. Margaret J. Wheatley ties it together stating, “Determination, energy, and courage appear spontaneously when we care deeply about something. We take risks that are unimaginable in any other context.” Or, as stated by Maxwell Maltz of Psycho-cybernetics acclaim, “We must have courage to bet on our ideas, to take the calculated risk, and to act. Everyday living requires courage if life is to be effective and bring happiness.” As caretakers of our children’s education and growth we cannot allow to happen that which Sydney Smith speaks to: “A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage. Every day sends to their graves obscure men whose timidity prevented them from making a first effort.” We simply cannot allow that to become reality for our children!

“Real courage is when you know you're licked before you begin,

but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.

--Harper Lee

“Courage is the capacity to confront what can be imagined.”

--Leo Rosten

“To me, there is no greater act of courage

than being the one who kisses first.”

--Janeane Garofalo